Experiment: Wolowitz, The Next Generation
by MiMiChoo
Summary: The gang sits around one evening talking about Bernadette's pregnancy. When Bernadette and Howard reveal they don't want Sheldon and Amy to babysit, Amy becomes upset. The following day, when a colleague needs a sitter, Amy jumps at the chance and forces Sheldon to babysit with her. What shenanigans are in store?
1. Chapter 1

Experiment: Wolowitz, The Next Generation

by: Melissa Andres

This is my first fanfiction. Please feel free to read and review. I will respect any comments and/or suggestions. Thank you.

**Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. I do not own any of these characters and have no knowledge of any future similar episodes.

Chapter One

"Would you like another piece of pizza, Bernadette?" Leonard asks.

"Oh, no thanks. I've had my fill, plus, mushrooms haven't really agreed with me lately." Bernadette makes a face as she pets her growing belly.

Penny lowers the lid on the cardboard pizza box. "I'm sorry to hear that. Is anything else bothering you? Any problems?" She licks her fingers.

"No, not really. I get a little emotional now and then but nothing major." Bernadette cuts her eyes at Howard, as if challenging him to say something. Howard remains silent but as Bernie turns her head, he looks at Raj, pokes out his bottom lip and runs his fingers down his cheeks – imitating someone crying. Raj smiles. Bernadette now looks angry.

"You know, it's so weird that someone in our group of friends is going to have a baby. Sometimes I still can't believe that some of us are married." Penny starts gathering plates and napkins.

"I know, right?" Leonard chews on a piece of pizza.

"Yes, we are all growing up so fast." Sheldon looks around but stays glued to his spot.

"You? Growing up fast?" Raj laughs. "Don't be hilarious."

"Yes, me. We've had coitus after just mere years into our relationship, isn't that right, Amy?"

Amy sighs. "Yes, Sheldon." She rises from the couch and takes the pizza boxes and dishes into the kitchen.

Penny shakes her head. "Leonard and I would love to babysit for you sometime, you know, if you get stressed out or you just want a date night."

Leonard grins. "Absolutely."

"Seriously?" Bernadette is elated. "We would love that. She squeezes Howard's hand.

"What a great offer. Thank you so much," he says.

"Have you really thought about how a baby is going to affect your marriage, your social lives, and your workaday worlds?" Amy returns to the couch, wriggling between Sheldon and Bernadette.

"Well, yes. I think it will be wonderful." Bernadette looks at Howard, wrinkling her nose with a playful coo.

"There will be some adjustments, sure, but we'll, umm, adjust," Howard says.

Sheldon cocks his head to the side and laughs heartily. "Well said, for someone of such limited intelligence." He leans toward Amy, lowering his voice. "I worry about Wolowitz, The Next Generation."

"I have been studying numerous baby books. Many couples who have conceived become closer but many more fall prey to jealousies, financial woes and relationship troubles." Raj nods as he looks at the expectant couple only to be met with blank stares. "It's true, studies have been done." He shrugs when no one responds.

"I do believe that is a valid hypothesis, Raj. Howard and Bernadette, I would venture to proclaim our willingness to babysit your child as well," Amy announces.

"'Our'?" Sheldon questions in a loud, squeaky voice. "What do you mean 'our willingness to babysit'?"

"Sheldon, lest you forget, we are a couple and babysitting others' offspring is something couples do."

"I think not."

"I think yes."

Sheldon and Amy begin to bicker.

Leonard holds up a hand. "Don't you think this should be up to Howard and Bernadette? After all, it is their baby."

"Exactly." Sheldon sticks his tongue out at Amy. "You don't want us to babysit, do you?" He shakes his head behind Amy's back.

Howard and Bernadette look at one another, exchanging knowing glances. They say, "No," in unison.

"You couldn't even decide on buying a turtle together. Why would we lend you our child?" Howard laughs and all the others follow suit.

"Besides Sheldon, we know how much you hate germs," Bernadette says.

"And a baby would definitely interfere with your schedule," Leonard adds.

"Can you just picture Sheldon and Amy with a baby?" Penny laughs and the laughter vibrates around the circle again. Even Sheldon laughs.

Amy remains silent; a long, sorrowful look on her face; the others are oblivious.

"So, have you thought of any names yet?" Raj asks.

Sheldon waves his hand into the air. "I vote for Sheldon. Raise your hand if you vote for the name Sheldon."

No one raises a hand.

"But what if the baby is a girl?" Leonard asks. "They can't name a girl Sheldon."

Sheldon leans forward, placing his chin in the palm of his hand. "Sheldonette. Yes. Sheldonette." He raises his hand again. "I vote for Sheldonette. Raise your hand if you vote for the name Sheldonette."

No one raises a hand.

Sheldon makes one of his famous faces. "Aww, man."

"You're ridiculous," Howard snorts.

"Sarcasm?" Sheldon raises an eyebrow.

Raj sits up straighter on the floor. "I've got several baby name books at home that I've highlighted and dog-earred my favorite names in. I can bring them over to you, if you'd like?"

"Okay, sure, Raj," Bernadette says but not very enthusiastically.

"So, what, like Na or Udu or Daka?" Howard asks.

"That is so racist. You are so racist. I did not choose any of those names for your little bundle of joy." Raj places his hands on Bernadette's belly. "Oh, the baby is kicking. Everyone come feel."

The gang gathers around to feel for themselves.

Amy Farrah Fowler stays where she is, still brooding over the thoughts of the group. Why would they think it so comical for her to take care of a tiny baby?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The following day, a Friday, Amy is hard at work in the neurobiology lab peering through microscopes, writing notes and checking scanners when a co-worker walks in.

"Hello, Dr. Fowler," the woman says in greeting.

"Hello, Dr. Ward."

An awkward silence ensues as the two women look at one another; both socially inept.

"Can I help you with something?" Amy asks as she places her ink pen on the table.

"I wanted to return the stereo microscope you allowed the Geology Department to use on their dig."

Amy rises to retrieve the equipment. "I trust it was helpful?"

"Oh yes, thank you. I just wish I had been with the team in New York to see them in action."

"Oh, that's right, you've just recently returned from maternity leave. How are things with the new baby?"

"Good." Dr. Kristen Ward's word didn't seem to match her demeanor.

"Are you sure, Dr. Ward? Something seems to be bothering you," Amy observes.

"I didn't come here to bring you my troubles, Dr. Fowler, just the microscope." Dr. Ward smiles weakly and waves a hand toward the object.

"No, I have time. I can listen." Amy pulls up a stool and sits on another. "Unload."

Dr. Ward sits and sighs heavily. "It's been difficult juggling schedules, you know, and my husband and I caring for the baby as well. Thus far, we've always made it work."

"Didn't you plan for this?" Amy asks, confused.

"We thought we had. My husband Newton is a paleontologist. He had to leave to go to a conference at the University of Alabama this weekend and I am behind on classifying specimens from the dig. I really need to work tomorrow to catch up."

"Don't you have a babysitter?"

"Yes, a pleasant older woman we have used but she just called a few hours ago to say she can't sit for Yates tomorrow and possibly not for a while."

"Why?"

"Her husband had a heart attack."

Amy pats Dr. Ward's hand. "You poor dear. Why do bad things happen to good people?"

"Oh, it's not her fault. She needs to be with her husband now but I don't want to quit my job. I love my baby but I love my job too."

Amy begins to smile and wriggle around on her stool. "I don't know how I can help long-term but my boyfriend Sheldon and I can babysit for you tomorrow."

"Are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you."

Amy waves a hand. "I'm positive and it won't be an inconvenience. How much trouble can one tiny human being be anyway?" She continues to smile as she moves toward the telephone.

"Dr. Fowler, an infant can be a big responsibility. You're sure you want to take this on?"

"Absolutely. Believe me; if I can handle Sheldon Cooper I can handle anything."

"Okay then," Dr. Ward exclaims. "Text me later and we'll work out the details."

"Trust me, Dr. Ward. It will be fine."

As the geologist exits the laboratory, Amy picks up the phone. "Sheldon? Guess what? No. No I didn't see theoretical physicist Edward Witten in the stairwell this morning. No, I did not squish an ice cream cone on my forehead and pretend to be a unicorn. No Sheldon, I did not set up a booth in the cafeteria to sell air guitars. Don't be ridiculous."

Amy sighs loudly as she adjusts her eyeglasses. "I know I asked you to guess. Yes, I know you were guessing, Sheldon. Sheldon, please. Okay, okay. You and I will be babysitting tomorrow. No, not a monkey, Sheldon. No, not a turtle, not a goldfish. Sheldon, listen. We are going to babysit a real, live, human baby."

Amy pulls the phone away from her ear as Sheldon cackles on the other end of the line. "Sheldon Lee Cooper, that's enough. I've done so many things for you in our relationship. I have accommodated you, compromised with you and catered to you. It's about time you returned the favor, don't you agree? Yes, yes. I see. The baby belongs to a colleague of mine. Dr. Kristen Ward. No, she's not a neurobiologist. She's in the Geology Department. Sheldon, geology is a real science, besides; wouldn't you like to assist your fellow man? Yes, Sheldon, the baby is a boy. Yes, Sheldon, he will grow up to be a man one day. Okay. Agreed. Thank you, Sheldon."

Amy ends the call with a satisfied smile on her face; wheels turning behind her eyes. She had just worn Sheldon down. She was on the road to changing Howard and Bernadette's minds as well.

She would videotape the encounter with little Yates Ward and present the evidence to the expectant couple. She wanted to prove to them and Sheldon too, that she was capable of possessing motherly instincts.

Amy picks up her cell phone and texts Dr. Ward:

 _Please bring the baby to my boyfriend's house tomorrow when you are ready._

 _2311 North Los Robles Ave., Apt. 4A. Pasedena. Elevator does not work._

A few moments later a big "thumbs up" was the response.

Amy was so excited she could barely contain herself. She left work early to prepare for the next morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Hello, Amy?" We've arrived. We're in the lobby of the building. Do you think you could come help me with a few items?" Dr. Ward sounded a bit winded.

"Certainly," Amy squealed. We'll be right down." She hung up the phone, jumping with excitement.

Sheldon snorted. "Let's get this over with," and headed for the door.

"Sheldon, please. Don't you understand that this could be a good test for us?"

"Test? What test? I didn't study for a test."

"No, Sheldon, not that kind of test. Taking care of this child will prove to Howard and Bernadette that we can care for their baby and it will also be a great prequel to our own future parental specificities as well. This will, in effect, kill two birds with one stone, if you will."

"I don't like birds."

Amy sighs and rolls her eyes. "I know, Sheldon."

"You didn't say anything about birds. I cannot participate in these shenanigans if birds are to be involved."

"There are no birds." Amy begins to strap a small video camera device onto her forehead.

"What, in this vast universe, are you doing, woman?"

"Think of this as an experiment, Sheldon. Can you do that?"

"Oooh, an experiment. I do like experiments."

"Okay, then."

The pair descends the three flights of stairs that lead to the lobby, Amy racing the entire way.

Dr. Kristen Ward stands near the stairway, holding her baby, an extremely full diaper bag, and a blue blanket. A bright yellow plastic infant bathtub full of books and stuffed animals sits at her feet along with a package of diapers and a stroller. The baby is crying.

"Good Lord, how long is this baby going to stay with us?" Sheldon asks Amy.

"Just for the day, Sheldon." Amy gives her boyfriend a scolding look.

"Thank you so much for this, Dr. Fowler. You don't know how much I appreciate it."

"It's our pleasure."

Sheldon looks at the infant wrapped in his mother's arms, squinshing up his nose. "I don't believe 'pleasure' is the appropriate word in this situation."

"There are bottles and wipes in the diaper bag plus binkies and bibs." Dr. Ward rocks her son from side to side. "He should settle down soon and will take a nap. His routine has just been messed up. He'll be fine eventually."

"Are you sure?" Sheldon grimaces.

"You always get over it when your routine is disrupted, don't you?" Amy asks, annoyed.

Sheldon offers a wry smile. "Oh, you know me; I'm nothing if not flexible."

"Well, I really need to be getting on to the lab," Dr. Ward announces. "Thank you again."

Sheldon takes the heavy diaper bag from Dr. Ward and picks up the bathtub full of plush toys.

"Sheldon, thank you for being so sweet." Amy reaches for the baby but before she can make contact Sheldon begins shoving the items into her arms. Amy is laden down like a pack mule in just moments.

"Okay, little fella, it's time for Fun With Sheldon and Tedium With Amy." Sheldon tucks the infant beneath his armpit and saunters up the stairs.

Back in Sheldon's apartment, Amy stumbles through the doorway, tripping over the plethora of baby items. Sheldon stares down at her sprawled on the floor. "Amy, please, get a hold of yourself, we've only been mock Mommy and Daddy for three seconds."

Looking quite angry, Amy stands, adjusts her glasses and smooths her denim skirt. She flings some of the things onto the couch and kicks a stuffed puppy dog across the room.

"So, what do we do first?" Sheldon asks.

"Well, he is still crying. Perhaps we should check his diaper?"

Sheldon hands the baby to Amy who, in turn, places the baby on the coffee table.

"Excuuuse me. I eat my meals off that table," he whines. "Unacceptable, so unacceptable."

Amy unsnaps the baby's outfit, removing the disposable diaper and reaches for a fresh one. "Its fine, Sheldon. This will only take a moment." She tries to hand Sheldon the wet diaper but he turns and runs toward the kitchen.

"A little help here, please?" she asks.

Returning to the table, Sheldon grips the used diaper in the jaws of kitchen tongs with one hand, pinching his nose with the other.

Amy sighs again and looks down at the baby. "You're going to feel so much better with a dry tooshie, aren't you?" Her words turn into a sing-song as she pulls her face in closer.

Suddenly a long stream of yellow urine hits Amy in the face. She sputters and spits. The baby stops crying and begins to gurgle.

"Look, he stopped." Sheldon giggles. "You knew exactly what to do. Amy Farrah Fowler, color me impressed."

"Gee, thanks, Sheldon," Amy replies as she wipes at her face and the video camera lens. "He fell right into my plan."

"Sarcasm?"

"Yes, Sheldon, that was sarcasm." She finishes with the fresh diaper and scoops a happy cooing baby to her chest.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Leonard and Penny come walking down the hallway and into the living room. Leonard's hair is mussed up and he is wearing pajamas with tiny space ships and crescent moons on them. Penny, wearing an over-sized Hello Kitty tee-shirt is rubbing her eyes.

Noticing the baby Amy is holding Leonard does a double-take. "Uhhh, Penny, how long have we been asleep?"

"How…where…what?" Penny walks slowly toward the coffee table where Amy is standing and peers at the baby.

"There you go, Penny. You can teach him to talk."

"Shut up, Sheldon," she says.

The baby starts to cry again.

"And now look what you've done with your dad-blasted caterwauling."

"It's not her fault, Sheldon. You can't blame Penny," Leonard points out. "Babies are often frightened when a new person walks into a room. You know new voice and all." He looks at the baby as well, running a finger along the tear trailing down his cheek.

"Maybe he's hungry?" Penny suggests.

"Maybe. Would you mind warming up a bottle? There are some there in the diaper bag." Amy asks.

"Me?" Penny looks startled. "No, no, no, not me." She takes two steps backward, running into Leonard. "We need to be going right away. We have plans." She grabs Leonard's hand and pulls him toward the door.

"Plans? What plans? I don't remember any plans."

"You know, Leonard. We have that thing we have to do this morning."

"Umm, we're not even dressed yet."

"I have clothes at my apartment."

"Why are you acting so odd? Does it have something to do with the baby?"

"We'll talk about it later."

"Why can't we talk about it now?"

"I said later, Leonard." Penny drags him out the door and slams it behind them.

Sheldon stares at the backside of the door. "Well, we could all have gone out for Thai food if she was going to be that picky about breakfast. Some people. Sheesh."

Handing the baby to Sheldon, Amy takes a bottle to the kitchen, placing it under a running tap. After its contents are warm, she tests the formula on her wrist. "Can you come check this for me? I'm not sure it's right and I don't want to burn his little mouth."

Seeing the white milky liquid on Amy's skin Sheldon leans forward ….

Amy imagines. Sheldon is lapping at the baby's formula with his tongue. Moist. Hot. Seductive. She begins to giggle and make other, well, strange noises. "Oh, Sheldon." She closes her eyes and breathes heavily.

"Did you know there are no health benefits to heating up a bottle before a baby is to suckle? It's simply a matter of taste – some babies prefer their formula warm, while others like it cold or at room temperature. Did you know this Amy? Amy?" Sheldon clears his throat. "Amy, are you listening to me?"

Eyes glazed and a smile playing on her lips, Amy eventually glances up at Sheldon. "I'm sorry, what?"

Sheldon shakes his head. "You were miles away. What were you thinking?"

"Nothing, Sheldon. Nothing at all."

Returning to the couch, the baby slurps hungrily at the bottle.

"What is this child's name?" Sheldon watches in amazement as Amy feeds their charge.

"His name is Yates. Yates Ward."

"What a peculiar moniker," Sheldon says. "It sounds like it should belong to the wing of an insane asylum, not a tiny baby."

"Sheldon! Please don't ever say that to his mother. An insane asylum? Are you crazy?"

"I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested."

Little Yates begins to refuse the remainder of the bottle so Amy stands, propping him against her shoulder; patting his back.

"I feel sorry for Leonard," Sheldon announces.

"Why is that?" Amy is curious.

"Because of his lactose intolerance. Perhaps it is the reason he never bonded with his mother."

Just as Amy opens her mouth to respond Yates burps … loudly.

"Oh my."

"In some cultures, notably Chinese and Indian, burping is regarded as acceptable in certain situations."

"I know that Sheldon. I just said 'oh my' because of its cacophony, not because he was being rude."

"Did you know that cows, dogs and sheep burp? Did you know that squirrels can't burp? Did you know that a Guinness world record for the loudest burp is 109.9 decibels, set by Paul Hunn on August 23, 2009?"

"Oh my."

"Impressive, is it not? Kind of gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling down in your chest." Sheldon rubs his chest, counter-clockwise, during the question.

"Warm is correct. Fuzzy feeling is incorrect."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"He just regurgitated down the back of my sweater." Amy's face turns pale and she looks as if she's going to faint.

"Did you also know that because burping can cause vomiting in infants, a burp cloth or burp pad is sometimes employed on the shoulder to protect the adult's clothing?"

"Now you tell me." Amy hands the baby over to Sheldon again and begins to walk from the room.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to rinse my sweater out before this mess sets in, Sheldon. This just happens to be my favorite."

"That sweater is your favorite? Really?"

Amy is visibly annoyed. "Just entertain him for a few moments. Pretend I'm not here."

As Amy disappears, Sheldon looks into the baby's face. "I do that more often than she knows, little fella."

Yates starts to gurgle and coo again.

"Yeah, I love her sometimes but she makes me want to throw up too."

The baby starts to laugh. Sheldon laughs along with him, snorting, guffawing; his shoulders rising up and down, up and down.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Meanwhile, next door, Leonard and Penny are having a heated discussion.

"This does have something to do with that baby, doesn't it?" Leonard asks.

Penny shimmies into a pair of navy blue shorts and whirls in her husband's direction. "Okay, you want the truth?"

"Of course I want the truth. A husband and wife should always share their thoughts and feelings." Leonard sits on the edge of the bed, wringing his hands.

"Oh, blah, blah, blah. Do you need a box of tissues, Mr. Sensitivity?"

"Penny, what is wrong? Did I say something?"

"No."

"Was it what Sheldon said because you know…"

"I know, Sheldon is Sheldon. I can deal with him."

"Then what is it you can't deal with?"

"I lied to Howard and Bernadette."

"You did? About what?"

Penny begins to pick at a thread on her bedspread. "That we'd be willing to babysit."

"Oh, but we are." Leonard moves closer. "Don't feel guilty about not checking with me first before you said that. We're a team, remember?" Leonard points to himself and then to Penny. "Me. You. Team Hofstadter." He grins widely, trying to make Penny smile as well.

"So it's okay if there will only be two members on our team?"

Leonard's grin fades. "What do you mean? What does that mean?"

Tears in her eyes, Penny stands. "I can't, I don't ummm, babies aren't uhhh, my thing." She is shaking.

Leonard stands up slowly. "Why are you just now telling me this?"

"I never knew how to bring it up."

"So why did you lie to Howard and Bernadette? You saw how happy they were."

"Have you ever heard of being nice Leonard? I was just trying to be nice."

"Why?"

"It's better than being mean." Penny's voice cracks with emotion as she rummages through dresser drawers in search of a shirt.

"No, why don't you want to have a baby someday?" Leonard's voice drops to a whisper. He doesn't want to escalate the situation.

Penny doesn't respond.

"You know, Bernadette told Howard she didn't want children but they talked and worked it out. We can do that too."

"I knew you wouldn't understand."

"So talk to me, Penny. Help me understand."

Back in Sheldon's apartment, Amy emerges from the bathroom. She hears a faint whistle. Where was the noise coming from? She stops in front of Sheldon's bedroom door. Hearing her boyfriend's voice she slowly turns the knob and peeks inside.

Sheldon sits cross-legged on the floor, baby Yates in his lap. "Trains are a fascinating mode of travel, little fella. There are diesel and electric locomotives, passenger trains and mixed trains comprising both passenger accommodation and freight vehicles. I don't approve of mixed trains though, that's like allowing your peas to touch your corn on your dinner plate. It's simply wrong, wrong, wrong." Sheldon adjusts his train conductor's cap. "Today you have the privilege of being my passenger. All aboard!" Sheldon whistles again. "First stop, Sheldonopolis!" He lowers his voice. "Oh, and please keep my whistling to yourself. I wouldn't want Leonard to find out."

Amy's face softens as she witnesses the sight. "Sheldon," she whispers. "I was thinking that perhaps we could take Yates to the park. It's such a nice day out. We could get some sunshine and fresh air."

Without looking up, Sheldon continues to move his toy train cars along their track. "Sunshine is overrated."

"Please, Sheldon? It would almost be like we're a family. The three of us walking along together, other people seeing us and smiling when they realize how adorable we are."

Sheldon nods his head. "I do like that idea."

Amy stands on the tips of her toes. "Really? You like the idea?"

"Oh, yes. I like when others think I'm adorable, which, let's face it, is the majority of the time."

Amy sighs.

Rising from the floor, Sheldon lays Yates on his bed, building a "wall" of pillows around him. "Let's go gather his things, perhaps bring a kite as well; make a day of it."

Amy is ecstatic. She begins looking through the diaper bag – bottles, check. Diapers, check. Burp cloth, well a little late now but, check. Two binkies. A knit hat. Cute. She looks about the room. "What else should we take?"

"What?" Sheldon is half-submerged in the closet, pulling down vintage board games, old notebooks and light sabers.

"I said, 'What else should we take?'"

Finding a colorful kite, still in its packaging, Sheldon turns to his girlfriend. "The baby?"

"Don't be absurd, Sheldon, of course we'll take the baby."

"Then why did you ask?"

Amy rolls her eyes as she opens the stroller and shoves a stuffed elephant into its seat. "Perhaps a book or two?"

"Perhaps." Sheldon grabs a handful of little Golden books. "Nope. Nope. Definitely no. Oh, this sounds intriguing. The Runaway Caboose." Taking the book, Sheldon sits in his spot on the couch and begins to read.

Amy opens the door, lugging Yates' gear with her. "Sheldon, you can read that in the park. Now come help me."

"But I wanna find out what happens to the caboose." Sheldon pokes out his bottom lip.

Pointing to the floor, Amy stomps her foot. "Now, Sheldon."

Book still in hand, Sheldon complies. Just as he throws the diaper bag over his shoulder, a scream is heard from Penny's apartment.

"Sounds like they're having an argument." Amy walks to the door, placing her ear against its surface.

"Brilliant deduction, Dr. Fowler." Sheldon presses his ear against the door as well.

Amy shushes him.

"Should I knock?" he asks.

"No, they're having a private discussion." Amy waves a hand in the air, demanding silence.

"Then why are they speaking in tones that all of Pasadena can surely hear?"

Suddenly both Amy and Sheldon pull away from the door as the knob begins to rattle. Fear and embarrassment drives them hurriedly down the stairs, stroller and diaper bag thumping at their heels.

As they reach the lobby Amy bends forward, gasping for breath. "What do you think they were fighting about?"

"How should I know?" Sheldon looks confused. "I couldn't distinguish one word from the other with all your incessant jibber-jabber."

"C'mon, Sheldon, let's just go to the park."

They walk out the double-doors and into the bright sunshine.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Steps from the park both Sheldon and Amy realize they have left the baby in the apartment – alone. They race down the sidewalk, through throngs of people.

"Amy, people are staring at us. You were right. I'm adorable! I'm adorable!"

Small children point and laugh.

Finally back at 2311 North Los Robles Avenue, the panicked couple struggle to ascend the stairs. Elbows and knees are flying; their bodies wedge between the walls.

"We're coming, Yates. We're coming," Amy yells. "Don't worry." She trips on the next stair step and Sheldon hops over her.

"I'll take care of this."

Reaching the fourth floor, Sheldon runs smack into Leonard standing near the elevator.

"Oh, Sheldon, my head is just spinning. I'm so afraid."

Pushing his key into the lock Sheldon speaks quickly. "No time for medical advice, Leonard. I have to get inside. It's a matter of life and death." Rushing inside, Sheldon throws his keys into the bowl on the table and runs down the hallway.

"Life and death?" Leonard takes a tentative step forward.

Amy appears on the top fourth floor step. "Is he okay?"

"Who? Sheldon?"

"No, the baby, Leonard. Where's the baby?"

"I thought he was with you."

Amy knocks Leonard over like a weightless feather and storms inside the apartment. She hears Sheldon before she sees him.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. "Baby?" KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. "Baby?" KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. "Baby?"

"Sheldon get in there." Amy pushes her way into the room.

Little Yates still lays on Sheldon's bed, soft pillows surrounding his tiny sleeping form.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Sheldon throws a hand to his chest.

"He's okay. He's okay. He's okay," Amy repeats over and over and over like a mantra.

"This parenting thing can be tough, can't it?" Sheldon can't take his eyes off little Yates.

"Yes it can, Sheldon but that feeling I just got when I knew he was safe makes it all worth it."

The couple holds hands as they watch the baby sleep. Suddenly, Yates begins to smile. The smile spreads from ear to ear.

"Oh, our voices must be soothing to him." Sheldon grins.

The tiny precious baby face reddens. Red. Redder. Even more red.

"Oh, good Lord!" Sheldon yells. "What is that smell? In what universe was that smell created?" He covers his mouth and nose.

"He's defecating, Sheldon. Would you like to change him?"

"You can give me details as to consistency, color and size. I'll go start his bowel movement spreadsheet." Sheldon skips from the room.

The door still open, Leonard is leaning on its frame. Sheldon notices him as he sits down in front of his computer. "Ahhh, Leonard, my apologies for not being attentive to your needs earlier. Did you obtain assistance for your medical conundrum?" He begins to type, focusing on the monitor.

"My problem isn't medical, Sheldon."

"Then I am in a quandary. You said your head was spinning and you were afraid. We could do a workup, run some tests. I can configure some charts and graphs. I'll need blood and urine samples …"

"Sheldon, Penny left me."

Hands suspended over his keyboard, Sheldon freezes. "Finally came to her senses, did she?"

Leonard shuts the door, walks to the couch and sits, head in his hands. "We had a terrible fight. It got so out of hand. She just started babbling about babies and children and childhood. Something about missing things and being scared. Everything was so nonsensical. She said I wouldn't understand." He looked at his roommate. "Sheldon, I don't understand."

Sheldon moves to the couch.

"Leonard, I am a genius and you, by all standards, are exceptionally smart as well. We have both been socially awkward but have evolved, albeit slowly, into closeness and intimacy with women. We are in relationships with these women, although I will never know how that truly happened. No matter how intelligent we are, no matter how intelligent any man is, I don't believe we will ever be able to understand those of a feminine nature." He places his hand on Sheldon's shoulder. "There, feel better, buddy?"

"No."

"Would you like a hot beverage?"

Amy walks into the room holding a fresh-smelling Yates in her arms. "Who is upset and needs a hot beverage?" she asks. "Oh, hello, Leonard. I thought you had plans with Penny. Where is she?"

Leonard bursts into tears. "You just saw me out by the elevator," he sobs. "Don't you remember?"

"No, I was in a panicked state. The brain can do strange things to the body in a panicked state. Just because I don 't remember you for a fleeting moment is no reason to cry, Leonard."

"See what I mean? We'll never understand them, Leonard." Sheldon shrugs his shoulders and makes a strange face.

Amy looks at Yates' angelic face and shakes her head. "Boys are so weird."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Amy hands Yates to Sheldon and sits on the arm of the couch next to Leonard. "Tell me what's going on."

Leonard repeats what he had just told his friend and roommate.

"She'll come back, Leonard, I'm certain of it."

"How can you be so sure?" Leonard removes his glasses and wipes his eyes.

"She has to come back. We're besties. She wouldn't leave without telling me goodbye."

Yates gurgles and Amy and Leonard watch for a moment as Sheldon plays with the baby's bottom lip saying, "Cootchie, cootchie, coo."

"How could Penny not want one of those? He's so cute," Leonard observes.

"I am cute, aren't I?" Sheldon grins.

There's a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Amy announces. "You're too full of sadness, Leonard and Sheldon's too full of something else."

"What?" he asks.

"Never mind, Sheldon."

"No, really, whatever do you mean?"

Amy smooths the front of her shirt and opens the door to find Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Penny. Penny's eyes are bloodshot, her nose running and red.

"Go on, you can do this." Bernadette nudges Penny into the room.

Leonard remains on the couch, staring at his wife but not saying a word.

"Howard, Bernadette, I have something I want to show you." Amy removes the camera from her forehead and moves to Sheldon's computer. "I want to prove to you that Sheldon and I are capable of taking care of your baby. Now we've had some mishaps but …"

"Amy, please, Penny has something she needs to tell Leonard," Bernadette interrupts.

"It can wait," Penny says, her voice trembling.

"No, it can't," Bernadette disagrees.

"Yes, it can." Penny's voice rises slightly.

"I'm with Penny. Yes, it can." Amy challenges.

"I have no idea what's going on but I hardly ever do." Raj looks at Leonard, Howard, and then Sheldon. "Oh, look, it's a baby."

"With all the overcrowding in India one would think you'd have seen millions of babies before."

"Why do you always have to tell me about my culture and my people, Sheldon? You are so annoying."

"You're both annoying, now shut up." Howard walks toward Amy as she taps on the computer keyboard. "Bernie, let's just see what Amy wants to show us and then we'll start the party."

"Howard!" Bernadette and Penny yell in unison.

Howard holds up a hand. "Sorry."

Leonard still sits silently on the couch but Penny moves toward the small group staring intently at the computer screen.

"Sheldon, aren't you coming to watch?" Amy asks, a bit of disappointment in her voice.

"Oh, no," he waves a hand in the air. "You go ahead. I starred in the show today, besides our little co-star has fallen asleep again."

Penny and Bernadette turn to see the baby sleeping on Sheldon's chest.

Bernadette grins. "How sweet."

Penny's face softens.

As they turn back to the computer a black-and-white video begins to play. Howard, Bernadette and even Penny laugh as little Yates' stream of urine hits Amy in the face. They all become misty-eyed as Sheldon talks to the baby during train play. And, they all gasp as the video reveals the panic Sheldon and Amy share at leaving the baby alone in the apartment. Laughter is again prominent when Sheldon's sense of smell is assaulted.

Penny turns to see Leonard standing beside her. How long had he been there?

Amy shuts the video off. "As you can plainly see, Sheldon and I have handled our responsibilities quite adequately if I do say so myself."

"Wow. I can say I am thoroughly impressed. I never dreamed either of you could do something like this." Howard turns to Sheldon, nodding his head.

"The baby seems so content. Taking care of children seems to be a hidden talent you two have just uncovered." Bernadette says.

Amy smiles.

"I would be happy to have you babysit our child. Please forgive me for doubting you." Bernadette hugs Amy.

"Me too?" Howard throws his arms wide.

Amy hugs Howard as well. "Thank you both. Sheldon and I accept."

Sheldon pats the baby's bottom as he gently rocks him. "I agree. This baby thing isn't half bad."

"If Sheldon and Amy can do this maybe I can too." Penny whispers.

"Really?" It's the first word Leonard has spoken in a while.

Everyone falls silent.

After a lengthy moment, Raj begins to fidget. "Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

Penny takes Leonard's hand. "I found out yesterday." She looks at Bernadette who nods, offering encouragement. "I was really excited at first. I called Bernadette and we talked for a long time. We planned a party for tonight. I wanted to tell everyone together, all at the same time."

"Are you …?" Raj places his hands on his cheeks.

Penny ignores him and continues. "When I saw that baby this morning it all became real and I totally freaked out. I guess it just hasn't sunk in yet too much that Bernadette is having a baby because it's not here yet. It's like she's just fat."

"Hey!" Bernadette scowls.

"Sorry." Penny shrugs. "When I left you I went to Bernadette and Howard's. We had a long conversation. She told me she has had lots of doubts and fears. She told me once she calmed down though she realized the baby would be both part of her and part of Howard but it would be all of their love. I want that. I want something that is all of our love, Leonard. I can do this."

"We can do this," Leonard adds.

"So you are?" Raj asks.

Penny nods. "Yes, I'm pregnant."

The group bursts into cheers and chatter. Everyone hugs and laughs and high-fives.

Leonard pulls Penny away from the others. "Please, if you start having doubts or insecurities about this or anything else, tell me. Don't just run away. Talk to me, okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I just got overwhelmed."

"Let us be overwhelmed together." He kisses Penny and then places a hand on her stomach. "I can't believe it." He looks to Sheldon who is rising from the couch, clutching Yates to his shoulder. "See, I told you one day our babies would be smart and beautiful. It's really happening."

"Speaking of smart and beautiful," Sheldon says. "Amy Farrah Fowler, would you consider being the mother of my offspring?"

"Oh, Sheldon." Amy trembles.

He hands the baby to Penny and then bends to one knee in front of Amy. "But first, would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

Amy begins to cry. "Yes, yes, yes, Sheldon; a thousand times yes."

THE END


End file.
